Opinion Piece

I grew up as a Pastor’s Kid—what many call a PK. Back then, I felt more like a vicar’s daughter, constantly under scrutiny. Members of the congregation didn’t hesitate to point out my shortcomings, and I was held to a high standard. I did my best to live up to it.

That’s why it’s been fascinating to observe how PKs are treated today. The shift is striking. They’re often doted on, especially by the youth of the Church. Perhaps it’s because many pastors now carry a kind of popstar-like influence—charismatic leaders whose lives attract attention and admiration. People want to be close to them, and by extension, to their families.  So it’s not uncommon to see PKs receiving special attention, extra praise, or privileges that other children don’t. 

But here’s the problem: favouritism.

In Children’s Church, every child should feel equally seen, valued, and loved. When we elevate one child above the others—whether because of their family, personality, or perceived potential—we unintentionally create imbalance. Kids notice. They feel it. And it can sow seeds of insecurity, jealousy, or even resentment.

Favouritism can also place undue pressure on the child receiving it. PKs, for example, may feel they have to perform, behave perfectly, or live up to expectations they never asked for. That’s a heavy burden for young shoulders.

So how do we guard against this?

1. Celebrate Every Child’s Unique Gifts

Instead of spotlighting one child repeatedly, look for ways to affirm each child’s strengths. One may be a quiet encourager, another a bold leader, another a creative thinker. Let them know they matter—not because of who their parents are, but because of who they are.

2. Rotate Roles and Responsibilities

If you’re assigning helpers, skit roles, or prayer leaders, mix it up. Give quieter kids a chance to shine. Let newcomers feel included. Avoid defaulting to the same ‘favourites’ week after week.

3. Watch Your Language

Even casual comments like ‘You’re the pastor’s kid, you should know this!’ or ‘You’re always so good!’ can reinforce a hierarchy. Instead, speak life into all children with words that uplift and unify.

4. Model Fairness as a Team

Children’s ministry leaders and volunteers set the tone. If we’re intentional about treating kids with equal care and attention, they’ll follow our lead. Fairness fosters trust—and trust builds a safe, joyful space for spiritual growth.

5. Pray for Wisdom

Ask God to help you see each child through His eyes. He doesn’t play favourites. He delights in every heart, every story, every journey.

I’m glad PKs today don’t have to experience what I did back in the day.  However, Children’s Church should be a place where all kids feel like they belong—not just the ones with a spotlight. When we lead with fairness, humility, and love, we reflect the heart of Jesus. And that’s the kind of Church every child deserves.

A Story about a Favourite Son

Remember how Joseph was his dad’s favourite?  He was even given a special coat!  You can download a wonderful Bible lesson about Joseph titled:  The Tribe Has Spoken. 

Get your free download here:  https://cooeekidsministry.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/The-Tribe-Has-Spoken.pdf

Favourite Children in the Bible

I have two favourite children in the Bible, but I think that’s okay.  I don’t even know their names!  One is the little slave girl who belonged to Naaman’s wife, and the other is Paul’s nephew, who was so brave.  I wrote a story about each of them.

Free Download:  Crucial Kids 1 The Story of Naaman and the Little Servant Girl https://cooeekidsministry.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Crucial-Kids-I.pdf

Free Download:  Crucial Kids 2 Paul’s Nephew Overhears a Plot! https://cooeekidsministry.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Crucial-Kids-II.pdf