Prosperity Pots! A Sketch.
Cooee Kid’s Ministry is a ministry for, well, kids!
But every now and then I get an idea and write something not directly related to children. In this case a sketch titled, ‘Prosperity Pots’. Church concerts were a yearly delight when I was growing up. A curtain was hung across the platform usually reserved for the Pastor or the music team. Everyone was encouraged to come up with an act. On the night of the concert the atmosphere was charged with excitement. Grandparents and other relatives were in attendance. The Sunday School children sang a song. The Youth Group performed an energetic and usually comedic sketch and then there were the solo artists. Like the man who played How Great Thou Art on the saw. Or on the spoons. Or on the gum leaf. Fascinating stuff when you’re a kid, and worth trying, but that’s another story. The fun and laughter heightened the sense of family and the concert was talked about for weeks afterwards. And plans for the next year’s concert began to form. So, in homage to all of those wonderful concerts, I present the sketch: Prosperity Pots!
Cast: Pastor, Head Deacon
Scene: Pastor’s office with desk and chair. On the desk is a Bible, notebook and a yellow flowerpot used to hold pens and ruler, and a red flowerpot holding an artificial plant
Props: Additional flowerpots: black with the word ‘OFFERING’ in giant letters on one side and in tiny letters ‘offering’ on the other side, and a spotted flowerpot (Polk-a-dot)
ACT ONE
Pastor is studying at the desk. Head Deacon enters.
Deacon: Hi Pastor
Can I run something past you?
Pastor: (Pulling himself away from Bible)
Um, sure. What’s up?
Deacon: It’s about the new offering container. I’ve got this black flowerpot and I need to label it with the word ‘OFFERING’ so the congregation know it’s not a flowerpot.
Pastor: Don’t we have electronic banking?
Deacon: Oh, we do, but some people, like old man Stanley, prefer to use cash.
Pastor: Okay, so what’s the problem?
Deacon: What size font should I use? (Shows the side of the pot with small label) This is the small font.
Pastor: (peering at it, trying to read the wording) It’s so small I can hardly read it.
Deacon: I know. It says; ‘This is where you give but we’re not making a big deal of it.’
Pastor: I don’t think it’s helpful having a label nobody can read.
Deacon: So, this is the other option. (Turns the pot around) Large font.
Pastor: Well, nobody will miss that.
Deacon: That’s what I’m concerned about. Is it too big? Are we making too much of it? Does it say, ‘We WANT your money?’
Pastor: Do you really think it’s a problem?
Deacon: Well, old man Stanley says he’s got concerns.
Pastor: (Guardedly) Oh, yes?
Deacon: He says there’s been far too many changes made over the past five years and he’s not happy about them.
Pastor: (Sighs heavily and tips ruler and pens out of yellow flowerpot)
There. Use that. We’ll avoid the word ‘offering’ altogether and tell the congregation to put their money in the yellow flowerpot.
Deacon: Hmmm.
Pastor: What’s wrong with yellow? It’s a happy colour. (Enthused by a spiritual idea) The Bible says, ‘God loves a cheerful giver’!
Deacon: (Pulling a face) ‘We’ll happily take your money?’
Pastor: (Sighing) Okay. How about this? (Takes plant out of red flowerpot and dumps it on the desk and hands the flowerpot to the Deacon)
Deacon: Red? Don’t you think the colour red is a bit aggressive? ‘Give us your money or else!’
Pastor: Green, then. How about green flowerpot? Green is a lovely colour! Take some petty cash and go to the gardening centre and buy a green flowerpot.
Deacon: Green. Hmmm. Growth. You know, I think that’s it! Thanks Pastor. (Exits)
Pastor: (Looks at desk covered in pots and mess) No problem. (Quickly tidies desk and exits)
END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Pastor enters happy and humming. Sits at the tidy desk. Deacon enters carrying a cardboard box containing the spotted flowerpot.
Pastor: Good morning! Wasn’t that a great Sunday service? I really think I’m finally having an impact on the congregation…
(Notices Deacon’s glum face) What? What’s wrong?
Deacon: I’m sorry to tell you this Pastor. Old man Stanley has left the Church.
Pastor: Really? What tipped him over the edge?
Deacon: (Very upset) I’m afraid I’m responsible.
Pastor: I’d hardly think so. You bent over backwards over the whole offering bucket thing. Nice choice by the way! Livened things up a bit!
Deacon: Oh, don’t say that, please. That’s what did it for old man Stanley. You see, I couldn’t find a green flowerpot at the garden centre. It turns out green flowerpots aren’t popular because they blend in with too much with the plants leaves, so the plant doesn’t ‘pop‘ if you know what I mean. I didn’t have any time to consult you so I bought what I thought was the least offensive pot. (Pulls the spotty flower pot out of the cardboard box) Old man Stanley said he wouldn’t belong to any Church that was going ‘dotty’ over money!
END